Infertility is a beast. It doesn’t matter how long you battle against it, or what you decide to do with it; it’s a nightmare. You’re going to feel things, and sometimes those feelings might not make a lot of sense. However, each emotion, fear, and frustration is part of the journey. Here are some things you can do with them, and how to keep moving forward.
There’s an incredible book by Dr. Sarah Jane Arnold called A Pocket Coach Guide to Self-Care. In her book, Dr. Arnold talks about how emotions are like signals your brain uses to let you know something is going on. Your job is to analyze the signal and figure out what your body and mind are trying to tell you. If you suppress or try to ignore the message two things happen. First, you miss the opportunity to sit down and figure out what’s going on. Second, the signal gets louder because you’re not answering.
The first step in dealing with challenging emotion is to accept them. There’s no such thing as a “bad” emotion or an “unjustified” feeling. We need to recognize our feelings for what they are without judgment and try to figure out what they’re trying to say. Only then can we process and work on letting go.
You don’t have to be like me. I wave my infertility and mental health flag because I want other people to feel comfortable to do the same thing. Not everyone wants to open up like that, and that’s fine. However, you do need a place to let it out. Brad is my favorite person to talk to about my feelings. Luckily, I also have my mother who happens to be a therapist. Then, I won the in-laws jackpot, and I can talk to them about anything. On top of that, I have a whole passel of siblings, friends, and spiritual giant for a bishop. I consider myself blessed in terms of a support network.
Not everyone has that kind of support network. My advice would be to try and find at least two people with whom you feel comfortable sharing your emotions. Try starting with your spouse. However, you might want to find someone who doesn’t live inside those experiences with you as well. Your bishop, a close relative, a neighbor, an old friend, or a therapist are all excellent options.
Turn to the Lord
Luckily, we’re all blessed with the power of prayer. We can turn to the Lord with everything. Pour out your heart to Heavenly Father. Tell Him everything. He’s always listening, and He knows exactly what you need. Say everything that’s on your mind and let it out. Then, pause to listen.
Infertility is a nightmarish journey. You end up with a lot of challenging emotions, fears, and frustrations. However, it’s important to remember that there’s no such thing as stagnation. We’re either moving forward or moving backward. If you’re doing your honest best, you’re moving forward. You might stumble. You might fall, but if you take a breath, get up, and keep walking, you’re still moving forward. That’s the point of any journey. Get up, keep going, and gain strength along the way.